I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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