Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He passed out mid-signature
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
