guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
