You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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