if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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