you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
