Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
two words...techno handjob
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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