I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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