absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
