cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
