Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
