Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
