I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
