holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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