You can't special order awesome
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
