10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
