He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize