Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
