I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
