Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
