I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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