well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is Oprah even human
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
