i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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