why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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