my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
