why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
