my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
