PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
