I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
