just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
