What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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