I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
