Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
