YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
