So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize