Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize