He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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