well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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