My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
