Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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