saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
