well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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