i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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