is wine microwaveable?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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