you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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