she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
