If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
