If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
