im six kinds of drunk right now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
