So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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