I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
