i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
