Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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