Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
