Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
