He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
