i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
