12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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