Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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