What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
